Not Quite So Fat This Year

So I hops on the scales, I does, even after the Xmas blow out and I am a whopping 6lb lighter than I was exactly a year ago. Yeah! Go Jemima! OK, so all you professional slimmers with, like, willpower and all that, probably lost 6lb in the first fortnight, but frankly... I don't care. I lost it eventually, so I'm proud of it.

I also went for a 5km run for the first time since about May. I did it in 42 minutes, which means I haven't lost much of the fitness I'd built up. I did have to peel my dripping, sweat-rank clothes off me afterwards, but hey, that's the price you pay.

To quote the writer Thomas Carlyle

"I have a great ambition to die of exhaustion, rather than boredom."

Oh yes.

British Women the Fattest in Europe.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-15901351

The UK has more obese women than any other country in Europe, according to European Union figures.

Data agency Eurostat, which looked at 19 countries, found nearly a quarter of UK women - 23.9% - were recorded as being obese in the year 2008 to 2009.

Just over 22% of UK men were classed as obese, coming second only to Malta.

A person is defined as obese if their body mass index (BMI), the result of a calculation involving weight and height, is above a certain level.

The BMI correlates fairly well with body fat.

Statisticians found the share of overweight and obese people increases with age in all of the 19 member states that data was available for.

The data come from the European Health Interview Survey (EHIS) and was published by Eurostat, the statistical office of the European Union.

After the UK, the countries with the highest levels of female obesity were Malta, with 21.1%, and Latvia, where 20.9% fulfilled that criteria.

Meanwhile, after Malta and the UK, the countries with the highest instances of male obesity were Hungary - where 21.4% fall into that category - and the Czech Republic, where 18.4% are classed as such.

The UK's high levels of obesity are in stark contrast to those in countries such as Romania, where just 8% of women were classed as obese along with 7.6% of men.

Obesity levels were also found to be low in Italy, Bulgaria and France.

In Italy, 9.3% of women were found to be obese and 11.3% men.

Meanwhile, in Bulgaria levels of obesity for women and men were found to be 11.3% and 11.6%, with levels of France identified as being 12.7% and 11.7% respectively.

The figures suggested that the proportion of women who are obese or overweight falls as the educational level rises.

Last month, Health Secretary Andrew Lansley launched a bid to reduce obesity levels in England by 2020.

The minister said people need to be honest with themselves about how much they eat and drink.

He said that, overall, Britons should be eating five billion fewer calories a day than at present.

I just love that last line from Andrew Lansley. Five billion fewer calories? No wonder I'm obese!

A Miracle has Occurred

I got on the scales and I was 1lb below 13st! I don't know how it has happened (maybe all the cycling?) but WOW! A miracle has been bestowed upon me!

A Walk in the Park

I bumped into Max last week, which reminded me I haven't posted for a while. I have to say I miss him. His sense of humour always brightens the day. I was attending a series of 'training clinics' aimed at the newly diabetic. 

What can I say about them? A lot of it was truly numpty. I know all about how diabetes works. In fact, more than the nurse did, as she confidently told everyone that glucose was absorbed from the stomach. Er, no, the only things absorbed from the stomach are pretty much aspirin and alcohol. Anyway, I kept stumm, as I could see the others in the room really did need it dumbed down that much. One chap quit, saying he didn't want to learn how to be a doctor. Sigh. Trust me, there's no danger of that here.


Then it got more interesting, as they started to tell me things I didn't know - about insulin types and different GIs, which is unfortunately, nothing to do with muscled Americans in khaki uniforms. GI stands for Glycemic Index, a measure of how fast the sugar from foods gets into your blood stream. I had no idea that French bread (high GI) was a death trap compared to ice-cream (low GI). I went straight home and ate three bowls of mint choc-chip.


Finally, we got to watch a video about a bloater called George, who fails to starve himself into being slim. Then he takes up basket ball and suddenly all the fat goes away. Give me strength. OK, maybe I shouldn't speak so harshly of George. I just wish the condescending signs telling me to 'walk instead of taking the lift' were not based on fantasy. 


I saw an ad on the back of a bus recently. It said 
"Lose your spare tyre? It's a walk in the park!" 
No it [insert swear word of choice] isn't! Really, health advice should have some sort of basis in reality. Politicians lie. The medical profession shouldn't. If I could lose my spare tyre by walking in the park, I should have the figure of Naomi Campbell by now. Instead, all I have is her temper when I try to cut down on food. Maybe if she ate a bit more, she'd be less aggressive too.


So I went to see yet another dietitian, who went through the 'so you think you're different' spiel. No, I think I know myself by now, and all the problems I have do occur in other people too. I just seem to have difficulty overcoming them. She suggested eating less and doing more aerobic stuff. Surprise!


My main problems are a) I forget to count what I'm eating. I never weigh things. I'm busy. This is not an excuse. It is a fact.
b) If I don't eat enough, I scream at people. This is not fair on my family and deleterious to my career. Again, this is not an excuse. It is a fact.
c) I eat on the run most of the time. It is spooned into me in between fetching the kids from after-school clubs and going for a swim. It isn't something I spend a lot of time deliberating about. It isn't enough of a priority for me, despite being something I worry about constantly. This needs to change before anything will work. 


If you took me away from my current life, tucked me up in a health spa and took away all the stress that triggers the screaming-during-hunger outbursts, then I am sure I would lose weight just like anyone else.

Cholesterol

What is the deal with cholesterol? Yes, yes, I know fatty crap in your arteries gets stuck and blocks the flow leading to strokes, high blood pressure and heart attacks. That's not news. Cholesterol is high in most people with a Western diet, because we eat way too much junk. That's the current thinking.

My cholesterol was 5.4, which I was told was 'below average' but still 'too high', which kind of doesn't bear out much hope for the rest of the population. If the fat woman has lower than average cholesterol, everyone else must live on lard.

On the other hand, cholesterol isn't all bad. We need some to keep our nerves working properly. We also use it to make serotonin, which helps to make us happy. Very low cholesterol is linked to depression, aggression and high suicide rates.

Anyway, being a good girl (or at least trying to avoid sugary fatty stuff so I don't feel diabetically awful), I cut out some of the bad stuff; not all of it, by any means - I haven't had a personality transplant - and guess what? My cholesterol is now 4.6. How good is that?

I have no idea if my arteries are rejoicing with a new-found anti-atherosclerosis, plaque-free existence, but I have a revived belief that maybe, just maybe, I can change my future.

National Cycle Week

In the spirit of National Cycle Week, I have started cycling to work. This means I'm doing about 5 miles a day on the bike. It isn't a pretty sight, but I quite enjoy the freedom of sailing down the hills - if not the panting and pain of going up them.

I hopped on the scales yesterday to find them hovering at around the 13st mark. This seems bizarrely light. I can't remember the last time I dipped under 13st. Maybe my scales are broken.

More worryingly, my blood sugar is disgustingly high in the mornings, so this could account for the unexpected weight loss. It is quite possible that I'm peeing out sugar and hence not using it to top up my fat reserves.

I am, however, trying to avoid sugar as much as possible, mostly because it makes me feel dizzy and crap if I have a large dose of it. This impromptu change in nutrition may also have contributed to the surprise weight loss. Who knows?

Speedy!

I finally did it! I managed to lope 5km in under 40 minutes. OK, so I only broke the barrier by a handful of seconds, but I don't care. I am fab. I am speedy! I've knocked loads of time off since I started doing this running. It must be doing me good.

The Forest is Further.

It must be further round the forest. I did the 5km on the treadmill again in 42 minutes, but so far I've failed to beat 52 minutes round the forest. There is obviously some sort of extra dimension around which I need to jog when doing it outdoors.

My sugar was 9.1 when I checked it yesterday. This is a slight improvement. I have had no sugar for several days but I don't feel any different. I need some more of those blood test strips.

Taking up jogging and giving up sugar has had no effect on my weight at all. I still weigh between 13 and 13.5 stone. I still look like a pink Buddha, but without the laughing face and ability to bless people. I am the shape of a Teletubby; all I need is Beatrice's hat to act as antennae.

Last week I did 20 hours exercise, ranging from jogging to climbing to walking. I ate no sugar. None. Except the muesli bar when I did the 15 mile walk. And I think I deserved that.

I don't know what else to do.

10.5

I have just worked out why I feel so fab after a work-out. It's because my sugar is lower. I haven't done my sugar for a while. This morning it was 10.5, and yes, that is before breakfast and no, I hadn't eaten anything for about 14 hours except a cup of tea (without sugar). Shit shit shit. Back to the doctors. It does explain why I feel like I haven't slept all night, despite having had a reasonable number of hours.

I did run the woodland circuit again - 5.2km in 52 minutes - which was slow compared to the treadmill. Then again, it includes up hill and tree roots, so maybe I shouldn't be surprised.

I am quite annoyed with the whole Health Trainer programme. Ms Sabbath managed to get rid of me by simply not booking another appointment. The help was not targetted to what I need anyway, which is why it didn't work. For some god-unknown reason they think that telling me to eat a certain way makes it happen. Seriously, I KNOW WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING! I JUST CAN'T DO IT.

So, as Max predicted, I'm diabetic, with aching joints, high cholesterol and I think the last prediction he had for me was immobility followed by early death. Always good to see the sooth-sayer has it right. Can I transfer my affections to the fat-removal magician now, please?

Miserable and knackered.

Jem x

5km vs 3 miles.

The problem with metric vs imperial is that approximations don't quite work. I was dead proud of myself yesterday for managing 3 miles in 40 minutes and a few seconds. I thought "Wow! That's the quickest I've ever done it!"

Then I had a look to see if that really was 5km and Lo and Behold, no, it wasn't. It was just 4.8km. In fact it took me another 2 minutes to run all the way to 5km (3.1 miles). This is still a personal best, at 42 mins, so maybe I should still be thrilled. It just doesn't sound as good as 40 mins.

I have to say I feel GREAT the day after a workout like that. I might end up looking like a genetically modified tomato, but the next day my muscles feel loose and I'm energised. It really is quite promising. Maybe one day I will be comparably fit with the other people in my circle who do lots of sporty fitness things. Maybe one day I will lose lots of weight and actually be healthy again! Who knows? A girl can dream, can't she?

Sleep and Stress

Scientific study: Mostly things we knew already - if you get enough sleep and aren't stressed out, you lose more weight.

Read about it here.

Still Running

I ran round another 5km after work. It was all through the park so up hill, down hill, in my lady's chamber.

I was passed by several other, much faster joggers and grinned at in a disturbing way by a cyclist. I went purple, but I did it.

It took 53 minutes, which is slower than of late, but I'm blaming gradient and tree roots and leering cyclists. Off for a shower now.

New Circuit Record

A quick jog round the original circuit took just 21 minutes. I am getting faster!

Big Feet

I managed another sub-45 minute run. I did 3 miles (5km) in 44 minutes. It was a bit of a shock, actually, when I went to this new gym. It was just for one session, as I was out of town. I jumped on the treadmill, cranked it up to the usual 6-7km/hr and thought I was going to die. I couldn't cope with the pace and ended up having to settle for a 4.4 speed. It was only after the first mile that I realised the machine was set to miles not kilometers! No wonder I was suffering!

I don't seem to have gotten any lighter, but one of my favourite spare tyres seems to be missing from around my waist. I don't know where it's gone. Maybe I'm going to end up with really big feet instead.

Jogging Jem Beats Record!

I finally did it! 5km in 43 minutes - a personal best and on the same day that the doctor wrote to tell me my cholesterol is 5.4 and I should not eat fat for a year. Is 5.4 bad? I have no idea. I guess it must be if the doctor bothered writing to me about it.

Putting Les Dawson to Bed.

The evil child, who is obviously channelling Les Dawson and his dreadful mother in law jokes, has been de-friended on Facebook by my children. This is social ostracising at its most malevolent.

Ran 5km in 47 minutes again. I'm hoping to do it in 45 minutes as my next target.

Evil Child

"Your Mum is so fat, that when she walked in front of the screen I missed two episodes of Coronations Street," said the evil, little 10 year old bitch that happens to go to the same school as my children.

"In fact," she continued, "when she fell down the stairs I thought it was the end of East Enders."

Oh ha, bloody, ha. Little viper.

I would never have said anything so down right spiteful, ever. Period. It understandably upset my children, who are also way more polite and sophisticated than the unpleasant girl could ever be.

Of course, I said I don't give a toss what some ten year old thinks - and honestly I don't - but I did find the words hurtful.

I ran 5km in 51 minutes last night. I am a fat momma. Live with it, bitch.

Jogging Jem!

I have a modest friend, who thinks she is unfit. She isn't. Recently she took up running to pass some fitness test at work. Within a month, her already enviously slim waist had shrunk further. I was impressed, and a little jealous.

So I thought I'd run round the block. I managed 10 minutes before I had to wheeze to a walk. Altogether I managed 2.5km in 25 minutes. OK, not great, but a start. The next time I did it, I managed 12 minutes before collapse and a total of 25 minutes round the circuit. The third time I ran for the whole 25 minutes without stopping! Oh, I am pleased with myself!

So I signed up for a taster gym month and I've been on the treadmill a couple of times. I managed 5km in 52 minutes, without stopping (which is the amazing part), then yesterday I managed 5km in 47 minutes! I am Jogging Jem!

I'm planning to do the Race for Life again in the summer and I want to run around te whole course. Current weight 13st 1. I may even have lost a pound!

Well, it is New Year.

Another new start and I am really going to make some changes around here. I can't cope with Ms Sabbath's menu. We don't organise ourselves that way. It just is too complicated. I need a flexible approach where I have the strength of mind to say NO to offered temptation.

So, I am going back to the old fashioned counting calories - in my own inimitable style - i.e. guesswork.

Today's menu consisted of:
Boiled egg, two pieces of toast with marg.
Many cups of tea and one coffee (counted as 250ml ss milk)
A hot chicken sandwich - chicken and two slices of bread and marg - plus a handful of chips I didn't ask for that came on the plate with it. I gave half the chips away.
A slice of home-made date and banana cake.
A medium baked potato with marg and grated cheese, served with cabbage, French beans and carrots. Covered in gravy.
Sparking water.
One extra strong mint.

Total calories - around 1700.

If I can carry on doing this, I will succeed where so many attempts have failed.