Enforced Inactivity.

Thank God the snow is starting to melt. I don't know about you, but I have been stuck indoors for what feels like weeks. It has been a nightmare trying to get out in the snow to do anything. I haven't managed to do any of the active stuff I like doing. I can't get to the pool or go climbing or get to the gym or anything.

All this inactivity makes me tired to. The less I do, the less I want to do. It's like the will to act disappears and the desire to slump asserts itself. I've found myself pacing the house not able to settle to anything. I mean there's plenty to do. I could give the place a good clean up for a start, but I don't want to do anything. Even watching a film all the way through is a test of concentration I don't feel up to!

My blood sugar levels are fairly constant. I've done them every day first thing in the morning and they range between 6.9 and 7.9 without fail. This is not good. Prior to pregnancy my fasting sugar was almost always 4.5.

I have religiously ticked off what I'm eating, in terms of food groups and once again I'm eating too much bad stuff, even though I am trying to avoid it. It's like my brain just switches into idiot mode when it sees and ice-cream. Doh! I ate it again.

WHY can't I stop myself? What the hell is wrong with me? Didn't Britney Spears sing a song about that? ('Oops I did it again' or something like that.) I want to bang my head against a door in frustration. Hell, she probably did a song about that too. (Oh, no, it was 'Don't go knocking on my door.' I was close.)

I wish I could afford to go to Fat Camp or Anti-Fat Camp or whatever it is. I'd probably hate every minute, having all my freedom removed, but it seems to be freedom of choice that defeats me everytime. If I had no freedom of choice I couldn't sin. Damn, I am so frustrated by this.

Yours, still weighing 13st 3, and slowly going nuts with it,

Jem