Side Effects

I went to the gym again on Thursday and took the dog for a nice long walk this morning. I definitely have more energy since starting this gym lark. Unfortunately I am the same weight as last week: 13st 7lb, so this flurry of exercise (ie everyday except Wednesday for a whole week) has made bugger all difference. Still, I'm enjoying life, and surely that has to be worth something. Maybe I'm turning all my fat into muscle, which every self respecting dieter know weighs more than fat (or so we like to kid ourselves).

Ironically, yesterday I went into stuff-myself-with-bad-things mode, so my weight stasis is the best I could hope for.

I was worried to hear on the news that they are going to let people buy diet pills over the counter at pharmacies. Specifically, a product called Orlistat. Diet pills have a long standing reputation for complete fakery, only taken by gullible fat people looking for a quick fix. Remember that dodgy Slimmer's Tea, for example? Complete quackery.

Orlistat is different. It does actually work. It paralyses the enzymes in your gut and stops them breaking down the fat. This means the fat can't be absorbed into the blood so it just travels straight through. On the down side, that means people who eat fat whilst taking these pills have constant diarrhoea. Of course if you don't eat fat, you don't have diarrhoea, and taking the pills becomes pointless. Still, I suppose it is one way of getting you to modify your diet!

Why am I worried to hear these pills will be freely available? Do I care about self-inflicted intestinal 'slippage' (as it is known in the trade)? Nope, not a jot. Do I worry that these pills will be abused? Nope, that is inevitable. I worry because there are other side effects, not reported on the news, that can cause suffering.

I have tried these evil tablets twice, prescribed by a doctor, both times. I did lose a couple of pounds before I couldn't stand the side effects any longer. The first time I took them they gave me a rash across the acreage of fat on my tummy. It itched and itched. Hydrocortisone (for eczema) had little effect. I scratched it until it bled, and there were bruises on my skin from where I had been so violently trying to rid myself of the irritation. I stopped taking them, but the rash remained for several weeks afterwards.

My doctor didn't believe the tablets had caused such an effect, as it wasn't listed on her side effect symptoms. So, a year later I tried them again. The rash returned faster, itchier and more widespread. It covered my stomach and spread to my boobs. I left scars this time. I returned the tablets within a fortnight, saying I couldn't stand it. It took three months for the rash to subside. It was hell.

Remember the Mantra:

I would rather be fat,
Than take Orlistat.