Jogging Jem Beats Record!

I finally did it! 5km in 43 minutes - a personal best and on the same day that the doctor wrote to tell me my cholesterol is 5.4 and I should not eat fat for a year. Is 5.4 bad? I have no idea. I guess it must be if the doctor bothered writing to me about it.

Putting Les Dawson to Bed.

The evil child, who is obviously channelling Les Dawson and his dreadful mother in law jokes, has been de-friended on Facebook by my children. This is social ostracising at its most malevolent.

Ran 5km in 47 minutes again. I'm hoping to do it in 45 minutes as my next target.

Evil Child

"Your Mum is so fat, that when she walked in front of the screen I missed two episodes of Coronations Street," said the evil, little 10 year old bitch that happens to go to the same school as my children.

"In fact," she continued, "when she fell down the stairs I thought it was the end of East Enders."

Oh ha, bloody, ha. Little viper.

I would never have said anything so down right spiteful, ever. Period. It understandably upset my children, who are also way more polite and sophisticated than the unpleasant girl could ever be.

Of course, I said I don't give a toss what some ten year old thinks - and honestly I don't - but I did find the words hurtful.

I ran 5km in 51 minutes last night. I am a fat momma. Live with it, bitch.

Jogging Jem!

I have a modest friend, who thinks she is unfit. She isn't. Recently she took up running to pass some fitness test at work. Within a month, her already enviously slim waist had shrunk further. I was impressed, and a little jealous.

So I thought I'd run round the block. I managed 10 minutes before I had to wheeze to a walk. Altogether I managed 2.5km in 25 minutes. OK, not great, but a start. The next time I did it, I managed 12 minutes before collapse and a total of 25 minutes round the circuit. The third time I ran for the whole 25 minutes without stopping! Oh, I am pleased with myself!

So I signed up for a taster gym month and I've been on the treadmill a couple of times. I managed 5km in 52 minutes, without stopping (which is the amazing part), then yesterday I managed 5km in 47 minutes! I am Jogging Jem!

I'm planning to do the Race for Life again in the summer and I want to run around te whole course. Current weight 13st 1. I may even have lost a pound!

Well, it is New Year.

Another new start and I am really going to make some changes around here. I can't cope with Ms Sabbath's menu. We don't organise ourselves that way. It just is too complicated. I need a flexible approach where I have the strength of mind to say NO to offered temptation.

So, I am going back to the old fashioned counting calories - in my own inimitable style - i.e. guesswork.

Today's menu consisted of:
Boiled egg, two pieces of toast with marg.
Many cups of tea and one coffee (counted as 250ml ss milk)
A hot chicken sandwich - chicken and two slices of bread and marg - plus a handful of chips I didn't ask for that came on the plate with it. I gave half the chips away.
A slice of home-made date and banana cake.
A medium baked potato with marg and grated cheese, served with cabbage, French beans and carrots. Covered in gravy.
Sparking water.
One extra strong mint.

Total calories - around 1700.

If I can carry on doing this, I will succeed where so many attempts have failed.

Ooops, I forgot.

It's been a while since I visited my health trainer. She promised me a recipe list with portions on, to help me judge what was the right amount to eat each day. Time passed and the promise to deliver this eating chart seemed to slip away. I thought maybe Ms Sabbath had forgotten me, or maybe they were ignoring me, because I only write nasty things about them (who knows?).

I'm not sure why, but there was a feeling of relief. For a few weeks, I forgot to hate myself. I forgot about worrying about my hugeness. I forgave myself for not being perfect. I didn't berate myself for eating bad things. My weight changed not one ounce. I have no idea what my blood sugar was doing. I haven't tested it since Max's plan to starve me into lower sugar levels.

So, when the leaflet arrived this week, charting my future eating habits, I had to sit down and eat a couple of chocolate cream eclairs and think it over. I know I should get to grips with it. I know I should. The effort involved in organising each day in advance feels massive, though. So I did the head-in-the-sand trick and filed it away for future reference, with the intention of dealing with it later.

And here I am, a week on, two more chocolate eclairs further towards cholesterol induced artery clogging, and I haven't even read the list through properly. Nor have I made a decision. In the words of the advert: Maybe tomorrow, Jack.

Underactive

Another appointment with the Health Advisor. This time I'm going to get a list of meals, based on the Eatwell Plate. Ms Sabbath has spotted that I eat more than I should, rather than working on the pretext that I am starving. This is a step in the right direction. She is also going to get me on the waiting list for CBT, which is what I need to actually be able to stick to diets, or at least I hope so.

There was a trainee in the room while I was there. Ms Sabbath had to pop out for a minute and the trainee started making light conversation. She was delightfully drippy.

"Have you been coming long?"

"Yes, over a year," I said.

"Oh, really? Have you lost much weight?"

"No, nothing."

"Oh dear! Have you had your fibroids checked?"

"My fibroids? No!" This was news to me. I had no idea that scar tissue in the womb could cause weight gain.

"Oh, yes," continued the trainee, "Some people have an underactive fibroid."


I had to blink a couple of times to keep my face straight. Still some training to go, possibly.