Balsamic Vinegar

Don't you just love crisps? If I had a choice, I would eat them every day, packets of them. I love the crunch and the saltiness. I love the tang of vinegar or prawn cocktail flavours. I like to lick the flavour off my fingers afterwards, savouring that last blast of monosodium glutamate.

Weeks go by when I won't keep crisps in the house, because I can't control my urges. I can't buy crisps for the kids without munching through the bumper pack myself. So, I have to ban such temptation for my own good.

Recently, I've been having a bad time on the will power front. I have rediscovered those Kettle crisps, that come in disgustingly large bags. Each family bag is a meal in itself. I love the balsamic vinegar and sea salt flavour ones, hidden inside dark blue packaging, like a sinful night. I confess, I am capable of eating a whole bagful in an evening - 150g of fat laden pleasure.

I have no cure for crispophilia, but I do have temporary measures to prevent too much waistline damage. I have discovered that you can get nearly the same hit using just the flavourings. Segments of tomato dosed with balsamic vinegar and salt give much the same kick. OK, so they don't crunch, but they do satisfy pretty well, without any of the calories.

If I could just find a way to add vinegar to something crunchy without making it soggy, I would be even happier. Is the world ready for the crunchy tomato, yet? Please don't suggest celery, it really is just string and water, even if it does crunch.

Still Fat and Happy

Oh dear, I have been a lax bunny, failing to write any blog here. Nothing much has changed, really. I quit the gym after months of sweating away revealed I'd lost no weight at all. Clearly this is not the way forward.

No, don't give me that. I went every week and gave it a thoroughly good work out, but it just didn't offset the lardy layer. The stress of work is still the major contributor, and until I stop doing that, I don't think the weight will come off.

There was an article in the TES last week about fat being a teaching issue. How well I know! I could have written that. Poor, stressed teachers are turning to comfort food to try and get them through the day. Well, maybe it's not quite like that. I always end up reaching for the quick, sugary or fattening because I am so tired I don't know what to do with myself and I still have another 3 hours of meetings/ marking / parent's evenings to get through. Others reach for the beer as a de-stresser at the end of the day. Either way, teaching is not a good lifestyle choice. It sucks.

Max, my health advisor has been great. He's given me a weekly food group recorded to tally up how many times I put different foods in my mouth. It is quite interesting to see the demographic. I don't eat nearly as much fruit and veg as I thought I did. I substitute cheese for protein, meaning I eat too much 'dairy', and I eat way too much 'bad' food.

Trouble is, I have no self will. Ask me if I fancy a bit of cake and I'm going to say 'yes'. People who answer that question with 'ooh, no, I just had a carrot stick' frankly baffle me. Still, it is interesting that since I've been tallying it up, I've made a couple of positive choices about having an apple or something, rather than a flapjack. I can't say it happens often, but it has happened, so maybe there is hope for the future??

Besides, last time I got on the scales, Max smiled encouragingly and said "You've lost 100g".
Woppy doo!
In six weeks.

Best go and have a lie down.

Strange

I don't know what I have done differently, but I have lost 3lb in the past 2 weeks, having not lost anything for the past 10 weeks. How weird is that? The only thing I can suggest is that because it is the end of term, I have been under less stress than during the rest of the year. Consequently, my body is relaxing from its default 'siege' position, and letting some of the excess go.

If that is the case, then it is worrying that my job is so bad for me, that it is literally making me ill, or at the very least, making me fat.

I've always said work was bad for you. I now have the proof!

Despondent

Despondent is not the word. I'm utterly miserable. I ended up in tears after the meeting tonight and some selfless soul dragged me back into the door to talk to the scary leader about how I'm rapidly failing to achieve even the smallest morsel of weight loss.

How can one person spend 8 weeks of their life thinking about what not to put in their mouth and still not lose any weight? How? I wrote everything down this week. I've discovered that the only place I can keep a tracker and remember to fill it in, is in the car. It sits there in the little compartment by the gear-stick and reminds me to fill it in. Good - tracking problem solved.

I still don't have time to weigh and measure anything, but honestly I go back and double check the likely amounts and I'm not too far off. So WHY after EIGHT WEEKS am I half a pound HEAVIER than I was when I started?

Answers on a postcard please.

One at a Time

Hmm, so far my litany of weight loss is: lost one, gained 2 and a half, lost one, stayed the same. So, after 4 weeks of failing to count points properly, I weigh half a pound more than when I started.

*sigh*

Letter to my health advisor.

FAO Max
Minutes of our meeting: Wednesday 29th April 2009.

Arrival 4pm.
Max: I haven’t got a key.
Jemima: OK, I have nasty coffee from the machine to tide me over.

Obtain access to room 4.20
Max: How are you?
Jemima: I lost 1lb!

Weighs to make sure.

Max: Excellent.
Jemima: It hurt. Being hungry sucks. I only stuck to it for three days.

Max: It takes six weeks to get used to it.
Jemima: Uh oh. [Thinks: Giving up smoking, the symptoms only last a week.]

Max: Can you do it again.
Jemima: Yes. [Thinks: If you are coaxing, cajoling and monitoring me every few hours, maybe.]
Max: Excellent. See you in six weeks.
Jemima: OK [Thinks: Holy cow! I’m doomed.]

Total weight gain this week: 2.5lb

Any chance of a little more motivation?

So far, he hasn't replied to my letter....
Jem xx

One Step Forwards

I am now an official weight watcher's member. I have read to leaflets and counted the points. The first week was not so bad, altogether. I did read the endless literature they gave me on the first night. There's a little green folder, filled with propaganda, which you have to really buy into in order for the stuff to work.

I'm not a great lover of leaflets. I know what I should eat, and what I shouldn't. If I could get thin by reading leaflets, I'd be a racing snake already. The problem with me is always the application of the knowledge. How do I manage to eat nothing more than the minuscule dressing free salad without actually killing someone due to food-deprivation-fueled bad-temper? I would happily read leaflets on the answer to that.

Anyway, I managed to eat the recommended dose of food for the first three days and not all that much more than it for the remaining four days of the week. I suffered gall-stones and tummy-ache and endless wind and bloating - all of which are symptoms of prolonged hunger. It was uncomfortable, bordering on painful and has reminded me why I fail at diets so often: they HURT.

This is not a lack of will-power in the face of a tasty cake; rather the will-power required is the ability to continue to suffer voluntarily for weeks on end, possibly the rest of eternity. No wonder dieters get fat again following a successful thinning.

I went to see Max, my health advisor. Having faffed around trying to find a room for us in a building they are shortly going to condemn, Max listened to my woes. Once he had made some sympathetic noises, he said that it takes six weeks to get used to less food and bye-bye, see you in six weeks.

Holy crap! I have to deal with this stuff on my own for SIX WEEKS! Giving up smoking was less painful. At least the major symptoms disappear within a fortnight. Whilst I can console myself with the fact that I did lose 1lb last week, balancing up the discomfort with the result, I'm not sure it was worth it. I just can't see an alternative. The options are go through the pain or die an obese death.

Great. Anyone got a low-fat Mars Bar they can lend me?