Strange

I don't know what I have done differently, but I have lost 3lb in the past 2 weeks, having not lost anything for the past 10 weeks. How weird is that? The only thing I can suggest is that because it is the end of term, I have been under less stress than during the rest of the year. Consequently, my body is relaxing from its default 'siege' position, and letting some of the excess go.

If that is the case, then it is worrying that my job is so bad for me, that it is literally making me ill, or at the very least, making me fat.

I've always said work was bad for you. I now have the proof!

Despondent

Despondent is not the word. I'm utterly miserable. I ended up in tears after the meeting tonight and some selfless soul dragged me back into the door to talk to the scary leader about how I'm rapidly failing to achieve even the smallest morsel of weight loss.

How can one person spend 8 weeks of their life thinking about what not to put in their mouth and still not lose any weight? How? I wrote everything down this week. I've discovered that the only place I can keep a tracker and remember to fill it in, is in the car. It sits there in the little compartment by the gear-stick and reminds me to fill it in. Good - tracking problem solved.

I still don't have time to weigh and measure anything, but honestly I go back and double check the likely amounts and I'm not too far off. So WHY after EIGHT WEEKS am I half a pound HEAVIER than I was when I started?

Answers on a postcard please.

One at a Time

Hmm, so far my litany of weight loss is: lost one, gained 2 and a half, lost one, stayed the same. So, after 4 weeks of failing to count points properly, I weigh half a pound more than when I started.

*sigh*

Letter to my health advisor.

FAO Max
Minutes of our meeting: Wednesday 29th April 2009.

Arrival 4pm.
Max: I haven’t got a key.
Jemima: OK, I have nasty coffee from the machine to tide me over.

Obtain access to room 4.20
Max: How are you?
Jemima: I lost 1lb!

Weighs to make sure.

Max: Excellent.
Jemima: It hurt. Being hungry sucks. I only stuck to it for three days.

Max: It takes six weeks to get used to it.
Jemima: Uh oh. [Thinks: Giving up smoking, the symptoms only last a week.]

Max: Can you do it again.
Jemima: Yes. [Thinks: If you are coaxing, cajoling and monitoring me every few hours, maybe.]
Max: Excellent. See you in six weeks.
Jemima: OK [Thinks: Holy cow! I’m doomed.]

Total weight gain this week: 2.5lb

Any chance of a little more motivation?

So far, he hasn't replied to my letter....
Jem xx

One Step Forwards

I am now an official weight watcher's member. I have read to leaflets and counted the points. The first week was not so bad, altogether. I did read the endless literature they gave me on the first night. There's a little green folder, filled with propaganda, which you have to really buy into in order for the stuff to work.

I'm not a great lover of leaflets. I know what I should eat, and what I shouldn't. If I could get thin by reading leaflets, I'd be a racing snake already. The problem with me is always the application of the knowledge. How do I manage to eat nothing more than the minuscule dressing free salad without actually killing someone due to food-deprivation-fueled bad-temper? I would happily read leaflets on the answer to that.

Anyway, I managed to eat the recommended dose of food for the first three days and not all that much more than it for the remaining four days of the week. I suffered gall-stones and tummy-ache and endless wind and bloating - all of which are symptoms of prolonged hunger. It was uncomfortable, bordering on painful and has reminded me why I fail at diets so often: they HURT.

This is not a lack of will-power in the face of a tasty cake; rather the will-power required is the ability to continue to suffer voluntarily for weeks on end, possibly the rest of eternity. No wonder dieters get fat again following a successful thinning.

I went to see Max, my health advisor. Having faffed around trying to find a room for us in a building they are shortly going to condemn, Max listened to my woes. Once he had made some sympathetic noises, he said that it takes six weeks to get used to less food and bye-bye, see you in six weeks.

Holy crap! I have to deal with this stuff on my own for SIX WEEKS! Giving up smoking was less painful. At least the major symptoms disappear within a fortnight. Whilst I can console myself with the fact that I did lose 1lb last week, balancing up the discomfort with the result, I'm not sure it was worth it. I just can't see an alternative. The options are go through the pain or die an obese death.

Great. Anyone got a low-fat Mars Bar they can lend me?

Weight Watchers: No Biscuits for Bonzo.

I went on Tuesday. It's a tin-shack of a hall, with no visible insulation or heating. The roof appears to be made of corrugated plastic and the noise of the rain drowns out any chance of talking. My leader is a scary woman called Liz. She looks like she's had all the flesh sucked off her bones, leaving wrinkly skin and a sharp demeanour. I handed in my vouchers and tried to look invisible.

I sat on a plastic chair at the front and waited for the other ladies and gentlemen to queue up. You get weighed and pay for the session first. It took a long time. There were about 3 women for every one man. Every age group was there, from young mums to pensioners. I was relieved to see I was about in the middle for both age and weight. There were fatter and slimmer people there.

Liz gave me the drill, which is basically: work out what each food is worth in 'points' using an incomprehensible scale, and then make sure you don't eat more than 23 of them in a day. Neither of these things is very easy. I sunk further into my chair as the main talk of the evening begun.

We applauded people who had lost weight and no-body admitted to having put any on. Someone lost half a stone in their first week! They must have had lead-lined boots on last week. I wish I'd though of that. Anyway, there seemed to be some camaraderie between the dieters, and I did smile at a few comments. Maybe it will be OK.

Well, I've spent 4 days trying to stick to the points. It is not all that easy. Firstly I don't know how much anything weighs, or how many points it has.

Secondly, even if I can work it out, it seems to have way too many, meaning I get to eat a mushroom and a bowl of cornflakes in a day, rather than a sensible amount of food. I am absolutely convinced that no ordinary human survives on this little food.

Thirdly, their list of 'pointed' recipes have a whole load of ingredients in them that I never normally keep in the house. This means serious organisation on my behalf (something I'm not all that good at when it comes to shopping and cooking), and buying weird stuff I don't know if I like, and I'm pretty certain the kids wont eat.

Fourthly, I still need to be constantly vigilant about what goes in my mouth, because it is still way to easy to slip in a biscuit, especially when you are ravenous, and there just isn't enough lee-way in the points to allow any biscuit-slipping.

The jury is still out on this experiment.

The start of it all (again)

Well, I made yet another promise to myself that when I got back from holiday I would really make the effort to stop eating too much. It probably comes as no surprise that I am heavier than I was when I left. Why is the trend always upwards? I am so fed up with feeling like I swelled every time I get dressed in the morning.

My enormousness has reached a size where I get gallstone pain frequently, especially if I sit down for a long time. Sitting crunches up my stomach and puts pressure on my innards, hence causing pain. It's uncomfortable and somewhat embarrassing to admit that even my own body hates me!

Anyway, I am going for constant vigilance, as much as I can, and so far it appears to be working. I have absolutely NOT eaten anything between meals for two days. I have not had any biscuits, snacks, late night comfort eating or alcohol for two days. It feels kind of good.

My random scales say I have lost 2lb in this time, though I am loathe to believe them as that would be super-fast weight loss. They are probably still recovering from two weeks without me standing on them.

The plan (ha!) is to lose a couple of stone by the summer. I'm going to the first Weight Watcher's meeting next Tuesday. The blubber is going to go!