Today I went sugar free, as much as is possible without baking my own bread or something.
Sugar free oats made into porridge with semi-skimmed milk and a handful of raisins.
Tea, milk, no sugar
Benecol yogurt drink
2 slices of poppy seed bread with margarine
2 apples, 1 banana, 1 pear
Sparkling water
Chicken pesto sandwich
Shepherd's pie with peas.
Emotional effects? None that I have noticed. Will see how tomorrow goes.
Thursday, 10 June 2010
Monday, 7 June 2010
A Message from Max
Max sent me some important health advice...
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it...don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Saturday, 5 June 2010
Fat Woman Slim
Do I really eat too much? Answers on a deep-fried post card please!
Yesterday, I ate.... Hang on! This sounds like that memory game where you have to remember what everyone went to the shop and bought. The list just keeps getting longer (for the shopping game, not yesterday's meals).
1 bowl of sugar-free Swiss style museli (museli volume around size of fist)
semi-skimmed milk
Benecol
numerous cups of tea (milk, no sugar)
2 apples
8 Jaffa cakes
2 slices of baguette (flat, about the size of my palm), toasted with jam and marg
some knobbles of Cheddar cheese, size totalling 1 x 1 x 7 cm
3 light strawberry mousse tubs (about 95 cals each)
mashed potato (size of fist, maybe slightly larger)
carrots and French beans
chicken (maybe less than size of fist)
water
Thats it. I also spent an hour messing around with the kids in the swimming pool - no, not exactly exercise, but movement nonetheless.
This is a fairly typical day. Yes, I know the Jaffa cakes and mousse are bad, but am I REALLY eating too much? Do slim people actually eat less than this?
Yesterday, I ate.... Hang on! This sounds like that memory game where you have to remember what everyone went to the shop and bought. The list just keeps getting longer (for the shopping game, not yesterday's meals).
1 bowl of sugar-free Swiss style museli (museli volume around size of fist)
semi-skimmed milk
Benecol
numerous cups of tea (milk, no sugar)
2 apples
8 Jaffa cakes
2 slices of baguette (flat, about the size of my palm), toasted with jam and marg
some knobbles of Cheddar cheese, size totalling 1 x 1 x 7 cm
3 light strawberry mousse tubs (about 95 cals each)
mashed potato (size of fist, maybe slightly larger)
carrots and French beans
chicken (maybe less than size of fist)
water
Thats it. I also spent an hour messing around with the kids in the swimming pool - no, not exactly exercise, but movement nonetheless.
This is a fairly typical day. Yes, I know the Jaffa cakes and mousse are bad, but am I REALLY eating too much? Do slim people actually eat less than this?
Thursday, 20 May 2010
As if I didn't have enough to worry about.
Being obese leads to heart disease, diabetes, bad joints and now, as if I didn't have enough to worry about, it apparently also leads to dementia. Obesity, high cholesterol and diabetes all mean you are more likely to spend your dotage dribbling in a chair. Great.
Max, on the other hand, has suggested I may have a sugar addiction. It is not as unlikely as it seems. It would certainly explain the screaming abdabs when I don't get my 'fix'. It appears that you can get addicted to complex carbohydrates too, because a digestion breakdown product of complex carbs mimics endorphins.
In other words, after you've eaten a big meal, you feel happy, relaxed and possibly sleepy. This nice feeling is something you want to repeat, so next time you are hungry, you eat again. I'm guessing this is not rocket science. This is fairly basic biology. It's the way babies learn which foods are good - i.e. the ones that make them feel happy, relaxed and sleepy.
What is interesting, is that this endorphin mimic combats stress. In lab tests, rats given opiates (so they weren't stressed anymore) showed a marked disinterest in their normal carbohydrate diet. In plain English, if rats are high, they don't want to eat.
So, obviously, I need to replace my stress and carb cravings with some sort of opiate. A few favourite contenders spring rapidly to mind: opium, heroin, morphine and pethidine, for example.
On the down side, pethidine makes me vomit, which reduces the feeling of well-being somewhat (although it is great for the weight loss), and the others are Class A drugs. Besides, I don't know if I fancy swapping my rotund, buxom body for the gaunt, pale, haggard look of heroin chic, even if it does mean I'll escape obesity induced dementia.
Max, on the other hand, has suggested I may have a sugar addiction. It is not as unlikely as it seems. It would certainly explain the screaming abdabs when I don't get my 'fix'. It appears that you can get addicted to complex carbohydrates too, because a digestion breakdown product of complex carbs mimics endorphins.
In other words, after you've eaten a big meal, you feel happy, relaxed and possibly sleepy. This nice feeling is something you want to repeat, so next time you are hungry, you eat again. I'm guessing this is not rocket science. This is fairly basic biology. It's the way babies learn which foods are good - i.e. the ones that make them feel happy, relaxed and sleepy.
What is interesting, is that this endorphin mimic combats stress. In lab tests, rats given opiates (so they weren't stressed anymore) showed a marked disinterest in their normal carbohydrate diet. In plain English, if rats are high, they don't want to eat.
So, obviously, I need to replace my stress and carb cravings with some sort of opiate. A few favourite contenders spring rapidly to mind: opium, heroin, morphine and pethidine, for example.
On the down side, pethidine makes me vomit, which reduces the feeling of well-being somewhat (although it is great for the weight loss), and the others are Class A drugs. Besides, I don't know if I fancy swapping my rotund, buxom body for the gaunt, pale, haggard look of heroin chic, even if it does mean I'll escape obesity induced dementia.
Thursday, 11 March 2010
Do my thinking for me.
I made another attempt to get the medical profession to deal with my raised blood sugar levels. I am regularly getting early morning readings over 8, which is frankly pants. It has shot up in the past six months. It is even worse than it was two months ago, but can I get a so-called professional to even listen to me? Not a hope.
I got nowhere with the doctor last time, so I thought I would book straight into the diabetic clinic and see a nurse. Maybe I could get some sense out of someone who deals with the disease day in and day out.
I made the appointment, and within an hour the nurse had phoned back to tell me I wasn't diabetic. I'm not on the diabetic list and what's more I shouldn't be using my blood sugar meter!
You are kidding me, right? I should just get ill and wait until the gods in the NHS deem me sufficiently sick to be trusted with using a simple kit. Excellent.
Maybe I should not use my bathroom scales either, then I wouldn't be fat. There are a whole load of possibilities if I take this idea into my everyday life. If I don't use traffic lights, there is no traffic. If I don't use deodorant, I won't smell. If I don't look at my bank account, I won't be overdrawn. How simple my life could be! I would never have to take responsibility for anything ever again.
Oh great and glorious NHS gods!
Please do my thinking for me!
I am not worthy.
I am not worthy.
I am not worthy.
Amen
I got nowhere with the doctor last time, so I thought I would book straight into the diabetic clinic and see a nurse. Maybe I could get some sense out of someone who deals with the disease day in and day out.
I made the appointment, and within an hour the nurse had phoned back to tell me I wasn't diabetic. I'm not on the diabetic list and what's more I shouldn't be using my blood sugar meter!
You are kidding me, right? I should just get ill and wait until the gods in the NHS deem me sufficiently sick to be trusted with using a simple kit. Excellent.
Maybe I should not use my bathroom scales either, then I wouldn't be fat. There are a whole load of possibilities if I take this idea into my everyday life. If I don't use traffic lights, there is no traffic. If I don't use deodorant, I won't smell. If I don't look at my bank account, I won't be overdrawn. How simple my life could be! I would never have to take responsibility for anything ever again.
Oh great and glorious NHS gods!
Please do my thinking for me!
I am not worthy.
I am not worthy.
I am not worthy.
Amen
Thursday, 25 February 2010
Sugar.
1. I have lost a pound.
2. My sugar is now over 8 in the morning.
3. I don't think my doctor is really addressing the problem.
4. Going to continue the not eating campaign in the hope that I live long enough to benefit from the results.
5. Not happy. Very worried.
2. My sugar is now over 8 in the morning.
3. I don't think my doctor is really addressing the problem.
4. Going to continue the not eating campaign in the hope that I live long enough to benefit from the results.
5. Not happy. Very worried.
Friday, 19 February 2010
Last in a Long Line of Resolutions.
OK, so I'm not normal, apparently. Max knew I was going to put that. He says that with what I eat and the amount of exercise I do, I should be as thin as a racing snake, or at the very least losing some weight. He noted that the lack of exercise I've been getting over the winter has had no effect at all on my weight and suggested that something was 'broken'.
So I went for a barrage of tests and they all came back normal, apart from the blood sugar, which is up a bit, but they don't seem to want to treat it. So WTF am I going to do?
I have tried Weight Watchers, healthy eating, lots of exercise and cutting out treats. None of them make an iota's difference to my weight, which is a constant 13st 1 at the moment. I have changed jobs to reduce the stress. Still no effect (well, a few pounds, but nothing to write home about).
Clearly, I must be deluding myself about how much junk I'm eating and how much effect it has on my body. I am surely deluding myself about the amount of exercise I do. Maybe all those sessions at the gym were not the heart pumping, fat burning experiences I thought they were. I need to do more and eat less.
So, I am going to stop eating. No, I don't mean fasting completely. That would last until about lunchtime. I'm going to stop having meals altogether and just eat a slice of toast or an orange or something pathetically small until such time as my body shrinks, my blood sugar normalises or I kill someone due to hunger induced bad temper.
So I went for a barrage of tests and they all came back normal, apart from the blood sugar, which is up a bit, but they don't seem to want to treat it. So WTF am I going to do?
I have tried Weight Watchers, healthy eating, lots of exercise and cutting out treats. None of them make an iota's difference to my weight, which is a constant 13st 1 at the moment. I have changed jobs to reduce the stress. Still no effect (well, a few pounds, but nothing to write home about).
Clearly, I must be deluding myself about how much junk I'm eating and how much effect it has on my body. I am surely deluding myself about the amount of exercise I do. Maybe all those sessions at the gym were not the heart pumping, fat burning experiences I thought they were. I need to do more and eat less.
So, I am going to stop eating. No, I don't mean fasting completely. That would last until about lunchtime. I'm going to stop having meals altogether and just eat a slice of toast or an orange or something pathetically small until such time as my body shrinks, my blood sugar normalises or I kill someone due to hunger induced bad temper.
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