As if I didn't have enough to worry about.

Being obese leads to heart disease, diabetes, bad joints and now, as if I didn't have enough to worry about, it apparently also leads to dementia. Obesity, high cholesterol and diabetes all mean you are more likely to spend your dotage dribbling in a chair. Great.

Max, on the other hand, has suggested I may have a sugar addiction. It is not as unlikely as it seems. It would certainly explain the screaming abdabs when I don't get my 'fix'. It appears that you can get addicted to complex carbohydrates too, because a digestion breakdown product of complex carbs mimics endorphins.

In other words, after you've eaten a big meal, you feel happy, relaxed and possibly sleepy. This nice feeling is something you want to repeat, so next time you are hungry, you eat again. I'm guessing this is not rocket science. This is fairly basic biology. It's the way babies learn which foods are good - i.e. the ones that make them feel happy, relaxed and sleepy.

What is interesting, is that this endorphin mimic combats stress. In lab tests, rats given opiates (so they weren't stressed anymore) showed a marked disinterest in their normal carbohydrate diet. In plain English, if rats are high, they don't want to eat.

So, obviously, I need to replace my stress and carb cravings with some sort of opiate. A few favourite contenders spring rapidly to mind: opium, heroin, morphine and pethidine, for example.

On the down side, pethidine makes me vomit, which reduces the feeling of well-being somewhat (although it is great for the weight loss), and the others are Class A drugs. Besides, I don't know if I fancy swapping my rotund, buxom body for the gaunt, pale, haggard look of heroin chic, even if it does mean I'll escape obesity induced dementia.